Sometimes we forget that children have feelings. When a parent or caregiver dies or is no longer present children grieve the loss. When friendships are ended, when a family moves, when a pet dies, children feel the loss. Depending on the age of the child, each will grieve differently. Let’s take a look …

No one ever thinks that a very young child (infancy to age 3) can feel loss. There is definitely not an understanding of death or a loss but there is a reaction to the various changes. The child may search for the person not present. As the daily routines change, the child may exhibit increase irritability, crying and fussiness. Sleeping patterns may change and the child becomes cranky. Comfort the child and provide reassurance.

Toddlers (age 3-5) still do not have the concept of death. But they may cry due to the separation not the loss. There is magical thinking that the person who died will come back to life. “Grandma will still come over and bake cookies with me, won’t she?” Death is temporary. Primary concern for a toddler is who is going to care for me? Toddlers may regress; wet the bed, need a pacifier or bottle, suck their thumbs and become clingy to other adults who are familiar.

Elementary age children (age 5-7) are becoming aware of the concept of death/loss. By this time, they may have had a pet die or friends move away. The ability to express feelings is difficult. Temper tantrums may be a more common way to express those emotions that are not yet developed. Other physical behaviors from the past may resurface such as: Stomach aches, bladder and bowel changes and headaches. Nightmares and dreams may serve to communicate feelings. The child may not want to go to school or leave the family for fear of someone else leaving. The child may exhibit magical thinking that the decease person will return.

Elementary age children (age 7-9). Up to age 7, the child can still have magical thinking and believe that something they did caused the death. Children this age may view death in a violent sense and fear death is contagious. “Mommy, will I die like grandma did?” Some common behaviors that may be seen are; aggression, anger, acting-out and difficulty concentrating. Eight and 9-year olds are able to express their thoughts and feelings better than 7 year olds.

Elementary age children (age 9-10) are more mature and are able to understand the concept of death. They know that they will die someday. This age group can feel frightened, numb, or helpless and use anger as a defense mechanism. These children may need a more detailed explanation of what happened to feel a sense of control.

Coming soon: Children Can Grieve Too ….. Part 2

Written by Regina Mendenhall – MSW, LIMHP, CMSW, LICSW


Spence Counseling Center provides Christ-centered counseling services that integrate Biblical truth with professional therapeutic practices. With a team of experienced counselors, we help individuals, couples, and families find healing, hope, and growth through faith-based guidance. Our mission is to walk alongside clients as they align their hearts and minds with God’s Word, fostering lasting emotional, spiritual, and relational health. Wherever you may be in life’s journey, we are committed to helping you find strength, knowledge, and the skills to break the patterns that damage relationships and cause emotional pain. We help hurting people find genuine healing.