Ever have that feeling like you are going to die and just need to leave a social situation even though everyone around believes you’re having a great time? Get intrusive thoughts that make it hard to leave the house? Have something bad happen that makes it hard to engage in life again?
This can be an incredibly frustrating and embarrassing situation that can keep us from enjoying our school, work, and social lives.
Having been in a horrible car accident I know what it’s like to have to do something every day that makes you anxious. My focus is on helping others gain their life back from their fears and anxieties. So, how do we face these anxieties and how can our loved ones support us? The answers are counter intuitive.
When our friends help in these situations it can be natural to say, “it’s okay,” or “don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine.” Unfortunately, this type of reassurance actually makes our anxiety worse. Instead, we can coach our loved ones to help us cheerlead and say, “you got this” “you can get through this.”
Reassuring might help for the moment, but in the long run confirms to our brain that there was something to be afraid of. When we focus more on getting through the anxiety, we are now teaching our brain that we can tolerate that anxiety and we are in fact not dying.
For example, after my car accident when I had to drive somewhere if I said to myself or a friend said, “you’ll be okay,” that didn’t help because they couldn’t guarantee that. I instead shifted my focus on tolerating the fear and worry and saying, “I got this,” “this is hard and scary, but I can do it, I can tolerate the fear I feel right now,” as I was driving. This taught my brain that I was not in the accident again and that I was safe and okay.
Why does this work? The part of our brain that is responsible for anxiety is called the amygdala. It sends out signals when it perceives something as dangerous. So, when we tell ourselves “It’s okay” or “not to worry” we’re confirming to the amygdala that there is something to be afraid of. But when we cheerlead and go through the anxiety and face what’s making us anxious our amygdala begins to realize that we are not actually in danger, and we are okay. Before you know it, you’re able to do the thing that was making you anxious with less intensity, less frequency, or shorter lasting anxiety and are on the path to gaining parts of your life back from your anxiety.
Practicing doing this can be really difficult as we face the fears that our brain is telling us are dangerous even when they aren’t. Having professional and family support in taking these steps can help with fear, loneliness, and taking healthy step by step action. It is important to validate how difficult it is and celebrate any time you practice getting through the anxiety even if it’s just for a minute or two, it’s a big deal and you’re doing great!
Written by Danielle Maly – Assistant Clinical Director MSW, LIMHP, LICSW, LISW
Spence Counseling Center provides Christ-centered counseling services that integrate Biblical truth with professional therapeutic practices. With a team of experienced counselors, we help individuals, couples, and families find healing, hope, and growth through faith-based guidance. Our mission is to walk alongside clients as they align their hearts and minds with God’s Word, fostering lasting emotional, spiritual, and relational health. Wherever you may be in life’s journey, we are committed to helping you find strength, knowledge, and the skills to break the patterns that damage relationships and cause emotional pain. We help hurting people find genuine healing.